The Kindness Flow: Exploring the Meaning of Kindness
Exploring the constant evolution of kindness, the scientific benefits of being kind and why kindness does not always mean being nice.
Everyone thinks they know what kindness is, but it’s so often confused with being nice.
That’s not what we’re about at The Kindness Flow (TKF). While we often choose to include niceties in our kindness, we know kindness is not a synonym for kindness.
Kindness is not niceness.
The concept of “being nice” is a societal expectation imposed according to immutable qualities, such as women and girls.
Nice is for the sake of pleasing others. It’s often surface-level. Of course, it’s nice to be nice - but it isn’t always good for you.
That’s just it though.
It’s nice to be nice. Ick on so many levels.
And it isn’t always kind.
Society encourages you to be polite, use your manners and say nice things:
“I love your blouse”
“You have a lovely home,”
“It was great to meet you.”
All canned, rehearsed over the years we spent as nice zombies.
Did they mean it when they said it? I don’t know - they probably didn’t think very deeply about it.
And nice is not always nice. Nice is a great tool for being passive aggressive.
If a woman says “It was nice to meet you. So nice,” she’s condescendingly thinking “..and I hope I never have to again.”
Trust me, I say condescending to things when being mansplained to regularly. For example, say a jerk’s name starts with “G,” but I’m in a meeting so forced to be nice. With a smile on my face, I may say the nice things:
“That’s an excellent point Grant.”
“While I really appreciate your insight, George…”
“So glad to finally meet you, Gavin.”
Greg. His name was Greg.1
Was I saying nice things? Yes.
Was I being kind? Nope.
If you mean these things in a genuinely positive way, by all means, express them.
But kindness goes far deeper than mere niceties.
The Scientific Benefits of Kindness
Science proves acts of kindness are beneficial all-around.
Check out the video from The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation (more to come on that), The Science of Kindness:
Studies show performing one act of kindness a day increases your feel good hormones, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins, which help you relax, heal and well, feel good (see the above video!).
And it’s not just for the person who performs the act - when you bestow kindness upon another, you bless them with a little buzz.
If you google the definition or meaning of kindness, a million memes and all the dictionaries pretty much say the same thing. That kindness is:
Friendly
Generous
Considerate
Warm
The internet will also gladly remind you that kindness is doing the above without expecting anything in return.
Evolving Kindness
While, yes, all of this is great and true, The Kindness Flow is evolving the definition of kindness.
We will add our various cultural lenses to learn from each other.
Our contributors will expand the definition of kindness to include things like:
The important role boundaries play in kindness
The connection of mindfulness to kindness.
What “kindness” is not
When to stop being kind
Remaining kind in tense situations
TKF writers will explore what is means to be kind to yourself through self-compassion, self-care, meditation and more.
People who radiate kindness, from life coaches to our fellow Substackers, will make their TKF debuts through interviews, Q &A’s, podcasts and more.
The Kindness Flow wants to be kind to our fellow writers so we will feature guest posts, cross posts, collaborations and more from Substackers on all levels.
If you would like to be involved or suggest someone, please leave the person’s name and why in the comments. If you’re more comfortable, feel free to send us a message.
The Kindness Flow has so much to share with the world. We hope you will join our flow.
Be Kind. Be Well.
- Allison Riney
I should add that I had nothing to lose and it was beyond deserved, but this was not my best moment. Account for personal growth, please.
Kindness is not niceness, how important it is to remember that! We don't want to become nice zombies, with a smile plastered but with a plastic heart. Kindness is real and genuine feelings flowing from our hearts 💕
Such an important distinction between being nice vs kind. Being kind requires effort, thought, and purpose; being nice can be, as you said, rehearsed or formulaic. It's always so worthwhile to take the extra step and say something genuine and positive to someone. You really never know how much it could help them out at that moment.